Wind Beneath My Wings
by nebula2
Summary: The first time is supposed to be special but will the lingering memories of the events in the parking lot of Scandals taint it for Kurt and Blaine. Tag to the episode "First Time". Rating is due to adult themes.


Dsiclaimer: Glee and it's characters do not belong to me. Simply borrowing them for entertainment purposes.

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The contented sigh came out naturally as Blaine lowered himself to the bed beside him. Kurt couldn't say that the experience was what he had always imagine it to be because he'd never thought about it too much. The idea had always made him uneasy. As far as he had gotten was wanting to 'have relations on dewy meadow of lilac with Taylor Lautner before he gets fat'. It was a silly, unattainable, fantasy he had written in his freshman year, long before he even had a serious crush on anyone. He had never even fantasized what it would be like to go all the way with Blaine because the thought had scared him. Even broaching the subject about going further had made him feel like the room was closing in while Blaine had seemed totally at ease with the conversation.

Well there was no lilac and he was with Blaine, but this had felt right. While he and his boyfriend were getting to know one another better, the uneasiness he had felt had melted away. Blaine had gone slow and had been sweet and passionate. Even now, with his head nuzzled in the crook of his neck, Blaine seemed to be in now hurry. It was in stark contrast to the wild, hurried attempt Blaine had made to seduce him at Scandals.

Scandals. Kurt felt as if his throat constricting at the thought of that night. He had felt fear and panic when Blaine had tried to pull him into the back seat. And perhaps Blaine had been drunk and would never have tried to force him into anything sober . . . would he?

"Are you okay?"

Blaine's question pulled him out of his thoughts. "Yeah. I'm fine," Kurt managed to say, though the content feeling he had felt moments ago had vanished.

"No, you're not. Your heart is pounding and your heart rate should be slowing down now not speeding up," Blaine insisted, raising his head off Kurt's shoulder. Placing one hand above Kurt's shoulder, Blaine pushed himself up off the bed. As he looked down into his boyfriend's eyes, he placed his other hand on Kurt's bare chest, the other teen's heart pounding beneath his finger tips. "You told me you were ready for this. It was your idea."

Irrationally Kurt felt as if he was being accused of something. That whatever he was feeling was his fault.

"Do you regret doing what we just did?" Blaine asked, his voice soft as he searched Kurt's eyes for his answer as well.

Despite feeling as if he was being accused of something with the questions, Kurt could see the concern in Blaine's eyes. There was no accusation or anger. His boyfriend was simply concerned with his well being.

"No," Kurt replied softly before drawing in a deep breath. He closed his eyes and let it out slowly, willing his heart to stop pounding. He didn't want to ruin tonight. Blaine was right. He had initiated this.

"Did I hurt you?" Blaine asked, his hand moving from Kurt's chest to caress the pale cheek of his boyfriend.

Kurt opened his eyes as he leaned into the soft touch. "No. I'm fine," he replied, looking into Blaine's eyes again so that the other teen would know he wasn't lying.

"Then what is it? What's upsetting you?"

Kurt chewed on his bottom lip as he tried to figure out if there was a way to avoid this conversation but he knew the truth - there wasn't. If they didn't talk about this now, it would always haunt him.

"I got to thinking about that night at Scandals and how I felt that night," Kurt replied, his eyes still locked with Blaine's dark ones.

Blaine nodded once at the admission before looking away and looking around the room. Spotting what he was looking for, he got up from bed, stepping over clothes to retrieve the item he was looking for.

"I know you apologized and I accept your apology, I do," Kurt said quickly, the panicked feeling increasing as he watched Blaine walk away. "It's over and done with. Let's put it behind us. I promise to never bring it up again."

"No," Blaine replied quietly, plucking the comforter that he had tossed aside earlier that night from it's resting place. He returned to the bed, climbing in beside his boyfriend as he covered them both with the comforter. "Let's talk about it so that we can move past it and not just put it behind us," he added, as he settled down next to Kurt and pulled the older boy into his arms. "How did you feel that night?" Blaine asked softly, resting his cheek against the top of Kurt's head.

"Scared," Kurt admitted, feeling relieved that Blaine wasn't mad at him and touched that he truly did care about his feelings. His dad's comment about sex doing something to his heart and to his self-esteem came back to him. He knew now what his dad had meant. Though he had always felt like he could tell Blaine things that he could never tell others, right now he felt as though there were no barriers and he could tell Blaine anything. "The thought of sex had always scared me. The thought of being that intimate with someone, anyone, was frightening and here was someone I thought I could trust trying to force that on me. All I could think about was needing to get away and what would happen if I couldn't," Kurt said, his voice hitching slightly with emotion as he struggled past the last words.

"I'm sorry I put you in that position," Blaine said softly as he tightened his hold on Kurt.

"You've said that, and I believe you."

"But?" Blaine prompted, knowing there was more. He waited for patiently for Kurt to answer the question though in his heart he knew what his answer would be. He knew what was troubling his boyfriend, and he felt ashamed that he was the cause of that fear.

"What happens the next time you've had too much to drink? The next time your desires start overriding your brain? I mean, sure I stay in shape but I don't lift weights. I have a feeling some of the female Cheerios could beat me in arm wrestling and probably 98 percent of the male student body could and I know you could. I mean you play sports and took up boxing as a way to defend yourself. I felt it that night, if you had been able . . ."

Kurt let the thought trail off, unable to put that thought into words. It was something that he didn't want to dwell on and speaking it would make it too real, even for him.

Blaine placed a kiss to the top of Kurt's head, even as he restrained himself from holding Kurt tighter. The older teen was talking about his fear of being physically overpowered and Blaine knew the last thing he needed to do was make any action that would reinforce that fear.

"I'd never force you to do something that you didn't want to do. Do you know how long I've wanted you? How many times I've had to take a cold shower or take matters into my own hands after spending time with you? And yes, I let the alcohol do the talking the other night, and got a little more forward than I usually am but I could have never physically held you down and fulfilled my own desires. That's not what I want. What I want is what we shared tonight - a consensual giving of one another. And granted I wouldn't mind if things got a little more faster paced and impulsive than tonight but I'm content with slow and tame because it's what you need."

Blaine felt Kurt shift in his arms, turning his head to look up at him. Looking down at his boyfriend, he saw the unshed tears sparkling in his eyes.

"Would you be willing to promise me something?" Kurt asked softly.

"I'll make you any promise that it is within my power to grant," Blaine replied without hesitancy, his fingers instinctively coming to rest under Kurt's chin.

"At least for the time being, can you let me be the initiator. I promise not to be such a prude about sex from now own, but I think I need the reassurance of knowing that I won't be pressured into doing something."

"I can do that," Blaine told him, knowing at times that it would be a struggle. Now that they had shared this night, he knew his desire for Kurt would only grow but if this was what Kurt needed to feel comfortable in this relationship, to not feel scared, then he would do it.

"Can you do something else for me?" Kurt asked.

"Just name it."

"Hold me tight. I just want to feel safe and loved right now," Kurt requested, his eyes mirroring the longing in his voice.

Blaine tilted his head and pressed a kiss against Kurt's soft lips. "I can do that," Blaine assured him, his arms tighten around Kurt's slender frame and pressing him against him. He felt Kurt's arm snake around him, his bare skin tingling at the contact.

With another contented sigh, Kurt rested his head against Blaine's bare chest. It was the perfect position for Blaine to rest his chin on top of the light brown hair, the smell of Kurt's hair products finding it's way to him. Blaine breathed in deeply. He loved everything about the boy he held close to him, including the smell of his shampoo and styling products. Most of all though, he loved the fact that Kurt was content once again, his fears put to rest by one promise that Blaine vowed to keep no matter what his own desires were.

He may have chosen to take up boxing to protect himself after the incident at the Sadie Hawkins dance as a way of dealing with what had happened. It was a self-defense reaction that though he didn't regret it, Blaine knew it had changed him. Laying in the hospital bed years ago, Blaine had resigned himself to the fact that his soul would never be able to fly again. He knew life would go on, the guys hadn't quite managed to beat the life out of him, but nothing would ever be the same. It made him look at the world with a little less trust than before. It had opened his eyes to the dangers that surrounded him and that enlightenment changed the way he looked at people and events in his life. The simple fact was, part of him had died that night.

Despite having faced his own challenges, what with the bullying, hate kiss, and the general feeling of not belonging, Kurt hadn't let go of his ability to see the good in people and the world around him. He refused to see violence as a reasonable solution to anything, something that Blaine knew he had quite frankly had beaten out of him. There was a fragile innocence about Kurt that Blaine felt was a precious gift. It was as if he was a wounded bird, and Kurt was mending his wings.

With Kurt by his side, Blaine truly felt alive again. He had since the first time he had taken the countertenor's hand on those steps of Dalton. And though he knew it was silly, but hopefully just a little romantic, Blaine softly started to sing a song that he felt fit Kurt so well - "Wind Beneath My Wings."


End file.
